SPECTRUM 2007-2008

In the crowded Commons of Lake Superior College, Elizabeth sits nervously awaiting her interview. She looks like a good-old-average college student sitting at the cafeteria table with her laptop and backpack full of books and a welcoming, yet sheepish, smile on her face. But Elizabeth is not an average college student, and one could never guess by looking at her that she has a debilitating disorder. If one was to look around Elizabeth’s living room, though, it would quickly become apparent that something about her is different.

Against one wall of the room, there are several bookcases. The bottom shelves are full of self-help books and inspiring novels. The middle shelves are scattered with mis-matched picture frames of friends and family. On the top few shelves, one sees many inspirational art pieces in the forms of small figurines entitled “Happiness”? and “Hope,”? personal art made by Elizabeth, and a poster with the phrase, “I am not afraid of storms for I have learned how to sail my ship.”? Strewn upon every surface are Post-It Notes saying things like, “This is not the end.”? Even her mirror has a list of her endearing qualities and words of hope written in dry erase marker. Her style is greatly eclectic yet somehow unified because, when looking around, one sees pieces of Elizabeth that show the story of her life and her struggle. One begins to see that Elizabeth isn’t an everyday person. Elizabeth suffers from Bipolar Disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a genetic mental/mood disorder that causes dramatic and sometimes rapid changes in mood. It is very similar to depression in the sense that people with Bipolar Disorder at times suffer from depression. Depression is a condition in which one has feelings of sadness and hopelessness. This can be accompanied by suicidal thoughts or simply not wanting to be alive. However, people with Bipolar Disorder also suffer from symptoms of mania. Mania occurs when sufferers tend to feel very “high.”? They have a very elated mood, they may have high energy and little sleep, and they tend to be very easily agitated. In more extreme cases of mania, people may spend high amounts of money, feel they have unusual abilities (such as flying), and have a general feeling of being invincible.

Bipolar Disorder also is categorized on three different levels: Bipolar I, Bipolar II, and Cyclothymia. Bipolar I is the most extreme level which has the highest mania and the lowest depression. Bipolar II has the low depression of Bipolar I but does not usually have quite as high of a mania level. Patients who are Cyclothymic have the mildest form of Bipolar Disorder. They do not experience as low of depression or as high of a mania as Bipolar I or II.

Elizabeth grew up as a normal child in every sense of the word. She had a normal family. Nothing in her life was out of the ordinary. Like most kids, she lived a busy life. Around age thirteen, her typical school day consisted of awaking at 6 am, going to school from 7:50am -2:20pm, playing tennis from 3-5pm, and having dinner, followed by dance from 8-9pm. Her life continued this way until she was about fifteen years old. Around this time, life as Elizabeth knew it changed dramatically. She became depressed, lethargic, and quiet. Her productivity decreased, and she began to feel weighted down as if someone was “pushing down on my head.”? She began to isolate herself from others and was very sad and emotional and often had feelings of not wanting to live. Her parents brought her to a psychologist who diagnosed her with depression.

It wasn’t until her psychiatrist prescribed anti-depressants that they realized how wrong of a diagnosis it was. They had not taken into account Elizabeth’s other dramatic symptoms. She also experienced energy highs which resulted in little to no sleep and fast talking and moving as if she had been wound up like a crank. She also became very argumentative, hostile and unpredictable and began spending large amounts of money. Because she had been given anti-depressants, these symptoms soared to unimaginable extremes. At times she even had delusions of nonexistent talents (such as being able to sing the national anthem on key) and had strange thoughts and ideas about religion.

After this drug-induced episode, Elizabeth was diagnosed as having Bipolar II Disorder, which is rare for someone without a family history of depression or Bipolar Disorder. Surprisingly, the diagnosis was more of a positive event than a death sentence. She said she felt happy and excited. Most importantly she felt validated and understood and even hopeful.

Unfortunately things got worse before they got better, and Elizabeth had to drop out of high school. She began sleeping over twenty hours a day and only left the house for doctors’ appointments. Her typical day consisted of endless hours of sleep only interrupted in order to eat. The diagnosis changed her life more than she thought, for ” It removed me from the outside world into a completely internal world”¦a world that was only me.”? Over the course of five years, Elizabeth tried various treatments ranging from shock treatment to electroconvulsive therapy. She also tried over twenty different medications and was placed in a home on a therapeutic farm.

Elizabeth is now on three different medications which amount to about seven and a half pills a day. She is also on a very strict diet to help control her mood and attends one-on-one therapy sessions regularly. She has since gotten her GED and is newly enrolled at Lake Superior College as a first-semester freshman at age twenty-three. She struggles daily with blending in and sticking out. Another great concern for her is whether or not to tell people she has this disorder. This causes her to weigh being labeled with being understood.

Elizabeth has learned a lot through her experiences with Bipolar Disorder and has taken away both positive and negative feelings. She has the regrets of not graduating from high school (she had been number one in her class) and not being more aware of different and alternative treatment methods. But she also has a better sense of self and has gained a better appreciation for “good”? days and good health. Learning to live with Bipolar Disorder is an ongoing, lifelong process, and Elizabeth attributes her success to her supportive and understanding family, music and writing, and her extensive research on the disorder.

When she was asked what the most important thing is for people to know about those with Bipolar Disorder, Elizabeth says, “That it is just as debilitating as a physical illness. It doesn’t discriminate. I had a perfect family life. Nothing major has to happen. Bipolar Disorder doesn’t care who you are.”? Elizabeth’s words from the wise to those who are diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder are: “You can’t lose hope. Hope is your biggest ally in fighting it. Hope hides in despair.”? She also urges those new to the diagnosis to not make the mistake of taking on the label of Bipolar and says, “Learning to not identify yourself as your diagnosis is important. So is not referring to it as ‘my’ depression or ‘my’ Bipolar. Don’t become it. You don’t need to own it. You are not your label.”?

Works Cited

——, Elizabeth. Personal Interview. 18 March 2008.