trout whisperer

Relating to males  

 

We have an appendage that women do not. For better, for poorer, in sickness and….. stop the presses, that’s the line that gets us in trouble right there. That mental illness brought on by our male thinking with the appendage, more then the cerebral brain is a sickness.

 

If you scan the human frame, both, male/ female examples hopefully share a brain and one or  two feet , maybe a nice lock of hair, and for chewing pleasure  more than one tooth.

 

Spines, yes, (we hope so) needed for sure, and fronts or if medically speaking the anterior or posterior. Oh how women fret over there posterior. Guys it’s only for setting on or a scratchable surface.

 

Now this is where if you go 180 degrees anterior of the male  posterior at about the same latitude you find one, male appendage, that hopefully is absent the female physic.

 

Now we as man and woman have points of entry that allow for the acceptance of certain things. Take sound for instance. The waves go in our ears, man and woman, lo and behold wal- la. Hearing.

 

Case in point.

 “Honey, can you take the garbage out”?

 

 

 “What”?

 

 

“I said, could you take out the trash”?

 

 

“HUH”?

 

 

“I need your help with the rubbish, now come here”.

 

I heard something she said, I know she was talking, but the three different words for garbage have me confused, so I scratch my head and my lower posterior to stimulate my brain and walk in the room where she is.

 

This is where I see her lilted hair in the sunlit room, and she is wrestling with the garbage bag, oh she looks adorable and so helpless.  She needs her man child to help her haul the heavy garbage bag. I am man, I will save her, and by the way she looks hot.

 

Insert mental illness. Mental male thinking has just been dealt a bout of (below the beltitis). This is an irregular male thinking tendency brought on by the female to cloud our below the hairline thinking and is most often very successful. To continue.

 

“Say honey how about I take out the garbage and then I show you my male appendage or strengths as they were”? She looks back with the eyes of a summer doe and says “maybe later, I’m cleaning right now”.

 

I scratch the afore mentioned area and haul the garbage as the bag drops in the dumpster the male elongated bag deflates as well.

 

This is the meat and potato difference between man and woman.  We are the same except for that appendage that gets us in trouble. Women bring new life into the world, men get them pregnant.  Men make hundreds of nicknames and jokes about there special little friend, I mean, large at least eight inches large, he man, must have sets us aparter.

 

 Women get embarrassed if they ever have to see one unless it’s in a diaper of there very own son. Anyone else’s accidentally exposed after to many beers and it’s a crime punishable by law. Mother-in- law- law. The law that sez any dumb thing you do will be told to every female neighbor you have, and this is the law of diminishing returns. 

 

Your wife will never mention how well endowed you are, she will just mention what a redneck you are for watering her lilies where she had to witness the human rain storm or snow scape initial scribble we all get to practice and frankly there just jealous about.

 

Now to me women are perfect just the way they are. So with my special part, that they need or want on occasion and last time I read about were still missing it, I feel good about my self.

 

It’s nice to be needed. In summation of my male/ female difference. I can smoke a credit card just as fast as the next female; I can bake an awesome chicken dinner Mrs. Betty Crocker.  But ladies can’t poke fun at things below the latitude of attitude. They just have to be accepting of that fact.

 

If women would softly grab that full lower lobe at the base of my other listening device know as the ear, and gently lead me, the horse, with the trash bag to the trash can instead of yelling from the other room, we as men would not have to accept blame for poor hearing. Less trouble would result. More time for the opposite of less trouble means more trouble…..but I think this is where women should get the point.

The trout whisperer